You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
