you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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