we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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