Please, let me fuck your mom
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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