Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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