You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have demons in me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
