that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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