If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
