can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
