I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
