Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
