You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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