I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
