I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
