Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
