I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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