Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
