This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
