my being single is dangerous.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
