I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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