the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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