I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
