When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
