Screwed.edu
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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