new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
