WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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