I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
