Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
