I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
