I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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