Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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