She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sobbing to NWA
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
