her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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