And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
