Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just threw up on my dentist
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
