Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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