I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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