The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
