We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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