There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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