yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
wow bdsm is so cute
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
