please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
