not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
