somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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