thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
