I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
