ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
