Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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