I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
