he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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