This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
