So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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