Can Purell be used as lube?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
