All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
